Best doggie joke and winner of the Nina Otossson Dizzy is...
Nicki O'Hanlon A dog saw somebody putting money into a parking meter and reported to the other dogs, "They're putting in pay toilets!"
And here are some very worthy runner-ups...
John Wade-Palmer Pekingnese + Lhaso Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Citylocal Huddersfield A dog goes into a bar and asks for a pint and a pie, the bar man questions him, he replies, "I am working across the road on the new building site." For the next three days the same thing happens so the bar man approaches the dog and offers it a great highly paid job in the circus, the dog replies, "What does the circus want with a plasterer?"
Camilla Wellstead End Bsl This joke entry comes from my son Maddox, who turned 6 years old on Monday, so please excuse him ;) "Which side of a dog is the furriest? The outside, silly!"
Julie Farley click here
Linda Shortarm Lowndes what do you call a dog that answers the phone ? a golden receiver !!!
Tom Rayne Me: My dog can talk!
Friend: No he can't
Me: watch, Dog, how you feeling today?
Dog: ruff
Maureen Curran What did the hungry Dalmatian say after his meal?
"That hit the spots!"
Tony Cruse You think a Cocker Spaniel is the best sniffer dog? Wrong! This breed can search for anything, it's a LabraGoogle!
Boom boom!
Tracey Quinn What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Wendy Peacock why did the dog run round in circles?
Because he is a watchdog who needs winding boom boom
Tat Chappers What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs....PMSL love this one!
Teagan Rose What do you get if
you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster ?
Cockerpoodledoo !
Baz Powell A man was talking to his blind neighbour when the guide dog pee'd up his owner's leg. The blind man seemed to take no notice, and fed the dog a treat. The first man said "Why have you rewarded your dog for cocking his leg up yours?"
The Blind man said, "I'm just working-out where its head is so I can kick him up the a**e!"
Baz Powell How do blind bungee jumpers know when they're at the bottom?
The guide-dogs' lead goes slack.
Sandi Thatsme Sayers What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?....................
Mandy Collins My dog knows everything ..... it's a labragoogle
Jenny PerrymanOne day the dogs they had a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came in by aeroplane and some by motor car.
They all met in the village hall,
Just to take a look,
...And as each dog came in the door
Hung its arse upon a hook.
When every dog was seated,
Every mother and sire,
Some silly bugger struck a match
And set the place on fire.
Flames they roared, they roared, they roared,
The village hall it shook,
And any dog grabbed any arse
From any bleeding hook.
That's why today my friends,
A dog will leave a bone,
And go and sniff another dog's arse
And hope to find its own.
xx Helen 'Danger' Currie Ⓥ I went to the zoo the other day. It didn't have any animals. It was a SHIH TZU!!!!! (Don't all groan at once) Nicki O'Hanlon Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." Stella Elizabeth Spence Irish Wolfhound and a Dachshund standing in the snow. The Irish Wolfhound says 'My feet are cold' and the Dachshund replies, 'You think you've got problems'. Sue Asher-relf Lynch A dog is not just for Christmas - it is great with pickle on boxing day!!!!
They came from near and far,
Some came in by aeroplane and some by motor car.
They all met in the village hall,
Just to take a look,
...And as each dog came in the door
Hung its arse upon a hook.
When every dog was seated,
Every mother and sire,
Some silly bugger struck a match
And set the place on fire.
Flames they roared, they roared, they roared,
The village hall it shook,
And any dog grabbed any arse
From any bleeding hook.
That's why today my friends,
A dog will leave a bone,
And go and sniff another dog's arse
And hope to find its own.
xx
Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Stella Elizabeth Spence Irish Wolfhound and a Dachshund standing in the snow. The Irish Wolfhound says 'My feet are cold' and the Dachshund replies, 'You think you've got problems'.
Sue Asher-relf Lynch A dog is not just for Christmas - it is great with pickle on boxing day!!!!
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